First Depress, then Lift

Sometimes, life sucks. I've learned to accept that, unfortunately certain members of my family have serious difficulty dealing with the difficulties of life. I'm not going to bore what few people read this with the woes of my personal life, since a lot of it will sound like a poorly written daytime soap, but just know this: not all is well at the moment. Personally, I'm okay, but I'm worried for everybody else (especially the adults).

*sigh*

I don't have any problem talking about it, it's just that I'm TIRED of talking about it. Our problems is just about the only thing my family wants to talk about! It's like nobody has any hopes or aspirations or interest in anything other than crying, complaining, and being generally frustrated or depressed. While I was at Iona, I didn't have to deal with it as much... I managed to escape the drama and live my own life for a while. Now that I'm back here... it's been jarring, to say the least.

*sigh*

You know, I've been thinking more and more about moving out of my house and getting an apartment on my own. I'm not anywhere near able to afford that, but the idea seems FAR more palatable now than it did a year ago when I was still in New Rochelle. At least then I won't have to deal with this stuff on a near-constant basis.

ANYWAYS.

I still haven't finished my novel. This is distressing, although not surprising anymore. I want it done, but finishing the rough draft is almost like pulling teeth! What makes it worse is that I'm so achingly close to the end, I feel like a complete idiot. My cousin Dan makes sure to point out that I still haven't finished every time I see him (which is, oh, just about EVERY weekend) which is a fairly good motivator, but not quite enough. I need to find something a bit stronger to push me to the end.

I've thought a bit about how I'm going to revise it, though. Stuff like changing a few names, adding details to strengthen the Celtic connection, cutting down POV characters (so far I'm down from 6 to 4... If I can axe it to just 3 I'll be REALLY happy!), and some alterations to the storyline. It's going to be a serious effort that I'm finding just a TAD overwhelming already, but since I already have some idea of what I want the next draft to look like it couldn't possibly be THAT bad...

(ONE YEAR LATER: "Oh good GOD! How did I ever think this could be anything but the most EXCRUCIATING AGONY IMAGINABLE?!!")

To be honest, I'm seriously tempted to forget finishing the rough draft and just start the 2nd draft now... except, I know that if I don't finish this draft NOW, I'll end up with the same roadblock months later when I reach the end again. I need to finish this. I'm kinda banking my future on my writing abilities... probably a bad idea, but I don't see myself doing anything other than writing. Sure, I'm a Film major, and I'm technically looking for media-related work... but, I feel like writing novels is what I was meant to do. Seriously, when one of your earliest memories is trying to draw out a story (since I didn't know how to write yet!) that ends up being PAGES and PAGES long... I think that's a big hint.

Of course, this wouldn't seem so patently ridiculous if I was at least published. Which I'm not. I've only submitted ONE story ONCE... and it got rejected. Why didn't I try again? SHEER LAZINESS. I'm lazy to the point of crippling... I'm a complete slacker in every definition of the word.

Ah well.

Wow, this was a lot of self-pity crap, wasn't it? O.o I've noticed a tendency to do that with this blog, which wasn't really my intention. Ah well... it's something to write, right? = )

On a minor note, I did some math today regarding habitable star systems:

• As far as we're aware, there are 2 systems with habitable planets: Sol and Gliese 581.
• Gliese 581 is one of the 100 closest stars to Earth (I don't know the number specifically, so I'm sticking with "100th").
• This means that, out of a given 100 stars, we can expect at least 2 habitable systems. 2/100 = 1/50, or 2%.
• There are 250 Billion stars in our galaxy.
• 2% of 250 Billion is 300 Million.

This means, if my math isn't completely off, there may be at least 300 MILLION Earth-like planets in our galaxy! O.O And this is with CURRENT data... what if there turns out to be even more habitable planets nearby? We could be looking at a galaxy closer to the Star Trek universe than previously expected! O.o

Just throwing that out there. ^_~

They Found It!

Within the last 24 hours, I have heard two news stories about breakthrough discoveries that have left me in total gawking awe. The first I heard last night in a quick blurb on MSNBC:

KRYPTONITE DISCOVERED

Yes, you read that correctly. Scientists in Serbia have identified a mineral with nearly the exact same specifications as the fictional kryptonite... you know, Superman's mortal weakness. Yes, it's real. I'm shocked! Apparently, kryptonite has been described as being a "sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide". So, when the scientists involved decided to Google the combination to see if anyone else had found something similar, they were shocked to find all the hits came back to Superman's kryptonite.

The only thing that would make this sweeter would be if they went ahead and named the mineral kryptonite, but alas, that's not to be. Since the mineral has nothing to do with the element krypton, naming convention doesn't allow it to be named kryptonite. Thus, they've gone with the name "Jadarite". One can only wonder how this discovery will affect the Superman mythos... ^_~

Discovery #2:

POTENTIALLY HABITABLE PLANET FOUND

Once again, YES, you read that right. We finally -- I cannot emphasize FINALLY enough! -- did it! We found it! We found the Earth Twin! WOOOT! XD

Details for those not willing to read through the whole article:

Planet: Gilese 581 C
Star: Gilese 581, a red dwarf star
Distance from Earth: 20.5 Lightyears
Orbital Period: 13 Earth Days
Size: 1.6 times that of Earth
Temperature range: Between 32 F and 104 F (it's not specified, but since 104 C = 219 F, I'm going to assume they mean fahrenheit)

Of course, there's a bunch of things we don't know that could put a crimp in our little parade (thus the reason they haven't officially declared it habitable, only "potentially"). For example, we don't really know that there's water, it's only being hypothesized due to the size. Also, we don't know the make up of the atmosphere yet... if it's not nitrogen-oxygen, it could raise doubts about its ability to support life. Another biggie: it's likely that it doesn't rotate. Without rotation, the planet might have difficulty circulating the heat it absorbes from Gilese 581, creating a scorching nearside and a frozen farside. Also, without rotation it makes it less likely to have a magnetic field, allowing solar radiation to reach the planet's surface, once again lowering the chances for life and habitability. Finally, there's the little issue that the scientific community is divided over whether or not red dwarfs can even support life as we know it.

Despite those little issues, though, I'm excited. I hope this is only the first of a very VERY long list of habitable planets soon to be discovered, and that these discoveries drive us to create faster ways of getting there.

Because, seriously, our fastest engines can get us there in a minimum of 200 years.

THAT'S NOT FAST ENOUGH.

Get off your asses and figure out how to make the Warp Drive work, you damned technophiles! I WANT MY HYPERSPACE, DAMMIT! It's time for humanity to get off its collective ass and get on with its destiny already: the conquest of the universe! >=D

Even Floods Can't break my Blah

Well, it's Tuesday and New Jersey is underwater. My cousins have come over, since their house has been flooded out and they've been forced to evacuate. Dunno where they're going to stay (probably here for tonight) or when they'll be let back home. Otherwise, today is really kinda boring. Not much of anything has happened. Well, besides Grandma going to the hospital with pneumonia, but she's going to be okay.

I kinda wanted to go to Borders today, but since I'm the only one at home I feel like I'd be abandoning everybody if I got in the car and took off. Maybe I'll see if other people want to come with me. It'd get us out of the house at least.

More Blah and Another Game Idea

I've decided I need to stop making depressing posts on my blog. This decision probably won't hold, since I'm using this as an output for some more underlying "ARGS" in my life, but I'd really like it if I could make myself not sound like I'm depressed. Which I'm not. I think. I'm just generally disatisfied with where my life is and how I've managed to go about things. I would really like to get things in gear already and start doing something significant... but, stuff like that doesn't happen overnight, so I need to learn to be less impatient.

Today? Well, it's 11 AM, it's raining, and seemingly everybody is still asleep. I also think I might be starting to come down with whatever Rob has, or something vaguely similar in the throat department. I'll take something later. For now, I'm going to sit and write here, because I feel the need to do so.

What did I actually do this week? I went to New York on Friday and shot a few scenes for Till Death. I also gave Ed that huge supply of batteries I had sitting in my car for a few weeks. Yesterday, I hung out with John all day. We ordered buffalo wings, watched Stranger than Fiction, and then played GTA Liberty City Stories until about midnight. It was fun! I really do need to hang out with my cousins more often... outside of parties, that is.

And today it's raining. I want to go to the comic book store later and see if they have the new Evangelion graphic novel (FINALLY, after 3 YEARS they released it!). Besides that, though, I'm not sure what to do. I'll probably work on the novel a bit today, although it did just occur to me last night that, although I know what happens, I don't know how to describe it. I might also just play some Age of Empires or Counterstrike. I could watch Mothra vs. Godzilla Master Collection Edition, which has been sitting here for about a week unwatched. And then there's the NEW game idea.

Well, not really new, just different from the one I mentioned a few weeks ago. This one is a real time strategy game idea I've been playing with for years, constantly tinkering the idea to create something I feel I would really enjoy playing. It dumps a few traditional RTS concepts, revives a bunch of older ones, and kinda feels like a cross between Age of Empires, Total Annihilation, and Populous: The Beginning.

Like in AoE, Civilization, and Rise of Nations, you control a particular civilization and lead them from nomadicism to become the largest and most advanced empire in the world. Important differences:

• No Town Centers.
• Leader units take the TC's research and defense responsibilities.
• Markets and Granaries take the TC's resource dumping responsibilities.
• Houses now produce Commoners (my version of the basic "Villager" construction unit)
• Houses.
• Rather than just increase population limits, Houses also produce people in the same manner as Farms: a Commoner is assigned and, with time and some money, a Commoner is produced.
  
• When a House meets its quota of units, it stops producing. Population limit is the cumulative number of units that can be supported by houses, but each house only keeps track of units produced by it. This means you can have many houses that are not filled (House 1: 3/6, House 2: 5/6, House 3: 1/6; Total Population: 9/18).
• Leader units.
• A fusion of AoE's Town Center, Total Annihilation's Commander, and Populous' Shaman.
• Like the TC, the Leader unit is capable of researching some civic technologies. It is also a requirement for the construction of certain buildings and researching certain technologies.
• Like the Commander, the Leader has some combat skills. Also, the death of the Leader could sometimes be a defeat condition.
• Like the Shaman, the Leader can convert enemy units and some Gaia (aka "Neutral" or "Natural") units, like Horses or Wildmen. This is most useful early in the game when you may need more people than you can produce.
• Leaders can be altered by the establishment of a particular government type at the Capitol. The starting government is Tribalism, with the Leader unit Chieftain. Later governments include Monarchy (Monarch), Police State (Dictator), Democracy (President), Theocracy (Spiritual Leader), and Republic (Prime Minister).
• Units.
• Commoners are "raised" rather than "trained" or "created". They are created at Houses, each House requiring a Commoner assigned to it before any Commoners are produced.
• Like in Populous, all other units are CONVERTED from Commoners, not trained or created. This means that if you have 10 Commoners and want 5 Warriors, you must take 5 Commoners, send them to the Barracks, and convert them to Warriors, leaving you with 5 Commoners and 5 Warriors.
• Some units, such as ships, tanks, or siege weapons, require more than one Commoner to produce.
• Buildings.
• When destroyed, buildings leave ruins, like in Total Annihilation. These ruins must be removed before a new building can be built in its place.
• Units can be garrisoned in almost every building.
• Individual buildings can be captured relatively easily. Due to the effort one must take to remove destroyed buildings, it may be more desirable to capture buildings rather than raize them.
• Disasters.
• Natural disasters are also going to be included.
• Basic disasters: Fires, Plagues, etc.

Yeah, so that's about all I've got. Well, that and a few sprites I created the last time I took this idea seriously. They look mostly useable. I'll give more updates about this as time goes on.

I've managed to screw myself over. Again.

You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm constantly trying to screw myself over. I didn't do my Film Lit paper by last Thursday, even though my Professor clearly stated that I would fail his class if I didn't. Now it's Tuesday, and I STILL haven't done the paper. Unlike last sememster, where I never did the big paper for my Com Theory class, I actually LIKE Film Lit. Why am I doing this to myself? This isn't a difficult paper! Why am I giving myself so much trouble doing it?

I got advised yesterday, so now I know what classes I need to take for the rest of the year. I also finally handed in my application for the job at the Comm department. Unfortunately, I also realized that by failing Com theory (yes, my Professor finally got around to changing that grade from "Inc" to "F". Why he waited until April to do that, I don't know... did he think I still wanted to hand in that stupid paper? O.o), my GPA has dropped to 2.6 from my usual 3.5 at Iona. This is bad, since I need at least 2.5 to get the job. DAMMIT!

I can't do GPA math (never could!), but I'm guessing that if I fail either Film Lit or Geography this semester (both of which I have a good chance of doing due to lack of papers), my GPA will fall ridiculously. I get the strong STRONG feeling that I'm fucked.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to do my Film Lit paper today. I'm also going to try my best to hand in the rest of my Geo papers (because, wouldn't you know it, he doesn't accept anything past its due date, no if-ands-buts). But, my hopes aren't too high right now. I don't want to fail... but I don't think I've realized that until far too late. Now I might not have a choice.

Sigh. Maybe I should just transfer back to Iona. I did great while I was over there, while I've had problem after problem since going to WPU. I still have an account at Iona's Peoplesoft, I techncially can still apply for classes there. I'm seriously tempted to say "Screw it" to WPU and just go back. Only time will tell if I actually get frustrated enough with this place to actually do it.

So Close!

I finished Chapter 16 last night! Woot! XD I'm so close to finishing Flight 62, it just gives me goosebumps thinking about it. I've never finished any project this large before, so there's a part of me that really anxious about it. The rest just wants to PARTY! WOOHOO! =P Unfortunately, finishing the chapter meant giving the shaft to my Film Lit paper, which I was given an ultimatium to have handed in or I'll fail. Gah. I'll try doing it before the end of the weekend and then pray that Dr. Hauser will accept it. SIGH.

Ah well. If I play my cards right, I could finish Chapter 17 today and maybe have the book finished tomorrow! I'll keep you posted! ^_^

Rex Dart IS... Eskimo Spy!

Well, today was kinda depressing. Crummy cold weather, failure to finish that paper that I'll fail Film Lit if I don't hand in today, and saw a depressing Italian film. Sigh. At least I get Chinese food! XD

Seriously, though, I'm kinda upset about the paper. Why haven't I been able to finish it? Every time I try, I feel like I'm just wasting time. Of course, that could be because I've miraculously lost almost all of my free time (which has been completely taken over by work, the TV show, family stuff, and friends). What happened to the oodles and oodles of time I had last semester? I have fewer classes now, I should have MORE free time, not less! >_<

Changing gears for a moment: I went to New Rochelle on Tuesday and was pleasantly surprised when Ed and Rob gave me the MST3K version of Godzilla vs. Megalon as a belated birthday present. I haven't seen that movie in over ten years! It was fun... and now I have a new hero:

REX DART, ESKIMO SPY!

^__________________^

I'm SO tempted to find some other movies this guy was in and put together a Rex Dart series... XD

April Fool's!

Yay! XD

Well, Friday was my birthday. Good ole' March 30! My parents took me to dinner and a comedy club, Bananas, to see Dustin Diamond. You know, Screech from Saved by the Bell! It was great! ^_^ I'm 21 now, so I got to order some champagne, but that was pretty much it for me. Malinda wanted me to get something else too, but after she let me taste her Vodka and Tonic (good lord that was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted!) I decided to stick with ice water.

Today, we're having a birthday party for me! =D That means everybody's coming over and hanging out at my house, eating, and probably playing Counterstrike and Mario Kart. I cleaned my room (I mean REALLY cleaned... like, swept behind my TV clean!) yesterday just for that reason. Today, I finally wrote some more of my book (I've been lazy and having actually written anything since Tuesday. So much for the schedule! ><() ). 1,294 words! That's the most I've written since I finished Chapter 14 MONTHS ago! XD

On a slightly unrelated note, I've finally come up with new material for my Future History timeline, which you can find here: Earth 2001 - 2150. Right now, the timeline only goes up to the year 2080 and is nowhere near complete, I'm constantly trying to come up with stuff to sprinkle throughout the timeline. The newest stuff I've devised should help me finish up the 21st century and stretch through 2120. I really like this timeline... to me at least, it feels like how things might actually play out. My philosophy for this: everything and nothing changes. While new crises and technology might appear, humanity doesn't change and we're afflicted with the same problems and try the same tactics as we always have. Also, nothing happens quickly. I've decided to adopt the advice of somebody else on the AH forum (wow, I feel like such an ass for forgetting his name! ><() ), and try to apply this rule of thumb: take your initial assumptions for how long something should happen and multiply by three. Expect human-level AI in 30 years? Multiply by 3, you get the first conscious AI around 2090, which when taken with everything else really does seem more plausible. I need to work out a few lingering kinks, such as details of South America's unification, religious changes, and weather patterns, but generally I think I've managed to really give the impression of a realistic multi-polar world.

Eventually, I'd like to expand the timeline past 2150 into the era of interstellar travel, but that's likely going to be way off. For example: while many sci-fi stories and FH timelines have Mars colonized by the late 21st/early 22nd century, I'm finding it difficult to get anything more than a token population to the Red Planet by 2150. I've decided I'll use the English colonization of the Americas as an example, so while there are a half-dozen outposts at the end of the 21st century, we should have at least a few permanent colonies by 2300.

Well, it sound like the guests are starting to waltz in. Gotta go!