*SIGH*

Did you ever get the feeling you were just wasting a lot of your life sitting around staring into space? Or that there's something far FAR more important you should be doing right now? I get that feeling a lot, even moreso since I transfered to William Paterson. I feel as if I should be doing something more important with my time than sitting on the computer, reading the same websites over and over. Maybe I spoiled myself when I lived in New York... you know, getting an actual life as opposed to immersing myself in the Internet during high school. Now I'm thrust back into the life I had before Iona, and I just can't stand it. I feel as if I should just get OUT and go SOMEWHERE... unfortunately, I have nowhere to actually go. It's beyond frustrating. And, of course, the rest of my life starts to gang up on me and then I feel the urge to just get in my car and drive until I'm so far away I won't have to think about it all. I can't do that, of course, but that doesn't stop me from entertaining the idea.

I think today is representative of my life's semi-problems. I woke up early to do homework, which I proceeded not to do. I went to class. I came home, ate lunch, and watched TV. I went on the computer around 2 PM, and I've been here ever since. I've managed to waste an entire day on NOTHING. Nothing accomplished. Nothing even attempted. Times like these I feel like a total loser and just want to scream. If today was unique, that'd be one thing. Unfortunately, this is a normal day for me. Yesterday was the same (although, I did go to the DnC taping last night). Tomorrow I'm supposed to be working, but I'm toying with not going just so I can catch up with all the work I missed, but I know if I do that I won't get anything done. Thursday will be the same, just with an afternoon class added. Ditto for Friday, although THIS Friday I'm going to New Rochelle again.

My life SUCKS. I've created a bland, empty, almost meaningless little niche for myself. Maybe it's just my memories playing with my head (since I remember having this same complaint there too), but I remember Iona being a much more fulfilling part of my life than what I'm presently doing. I miss Iona, and I kinda regret leaving now. Had I known that my life would be reduced to this, I would've said "Screw my education, I'm staying here!".

I'd go out now, but the only place to go is the mall, and I have no money. I'd be there for the sake of being there, alone. I could probably go by Darrell or Matt, but... yet another example of the idiocy of this, I want to leave but can't bring myself to actually go to the places I have to go. Am I going insane or something? If I am, why am I allowing myself to reveal this on the internet? O_O

So, here I am, bored out of my mind, broke, and unwilling to go to those places where I might find some satisfaction. Wonderful. God, I need to get a new life.